Dealing with a diagnosis

As I sit here with this IV in my veins

Alone in a room evaluate some things

I am forced to confront what brought me to this place

And the decisions I have made in an attempt for better days

It all started in 2008

My legs went numb but I didn’t complain

In a few days it will go away

It starts moving up day after day

I knew I needed help when it went to my waist

Something is definitely wrong, this can’t be sustained

I went into the hospital and was discharged after 4 days

They gave me a spinal tap and meds for the pain

3 weeks later I mer my Dr. At his place

It wasn’t good news I could tell by his face

He said listen closely to what I am about to say

After I say it your life won’t be the same

He said you have MS

I was ready for anything

I said okay

I am stepping out so you can grieve

I said I am fine no need to leave

I got the diagnosis, give me the prognosis and treatment

I have to be back at work in 30 minutes

To sum it up he prescribed shots I was to give myself

Stay out of the sun it doesn’t help

I said for how long under this regiment anything else

He said this is permanent

I started feeling sick

I was 26 years old

I am not doing this

I didn’t take any meds and I hid my diagnosis

I had a stable career I had just gotten promoted

I had living to do, I was a soldier

I was in denial

My life was truly over

I never cried but my pride had been stolen

I internalized I never should emotions

I kept on going my normal had been stolen

I kept on fighting and deploying

I have been a lot of things, I have never been hopeless

I was after all an alpha male warrior

No one knew, I didn’t mention it

When I was hospitalized I realized I had no friends

It is what it is

I will handle this

I got names to take and but to kick

My health deteriorated I started losing balance

The numbness went away and came back again

Running and stamina became an issue

PTSD on top of that

I felt like the deck was really stacked

I was always a health nut

I want my health back

I tried doing things my way

Enough of doing that

So I told my nurse something is wrong

She knew what it was when she heard my symptoms

I told her no pity I am not a victim

She said that was foolish not to face it

That was selfish, don’t you have kids

It’s had been 7 years

I know, I was wrong, you’re right, ok miss

The military now knew about my diagnosis

I was about to go on another deployment

They said no you are not leaving

You must get out immediately

Just like that my career was ending

16 years and now transitioning

One year later I was a civilian

6 months later I am writing this

Intense treatment a thorough regiment

Annual MRIs to observe progression

So far so good no relapsing

Every 6 month an infusion of my meds

So much better than a daily shots in my leg

Ever since I got out I am at my best

When I was in I was quite a mess

I am planning long term

I am doing it for my kids

I am doing it for myself

I have to leave them something

To do it I need my health

I am determined to accumulate wealth

No time for stress it really doesn’t help

On the outside I look healthy as an ox

My mind is good I am still slick as a fox

But if I am not proactive I will be leaving in a box

That’s not cool, I think not

So I am happy to get this IV drip

I feel awesome it not a big deal

That’s the story of how I got here

Take nothing for granted you just have to live

There is a fine line between hardcore and stupid

What are you doing, what are you proving

Perpetual motion, just keep on moving

You can’t outrun bad news

In that contest you will lose

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